This is ridiculous. Every step I take I make a mistake.
I thought I was pleasant and cute and attentive. Apparently it appeared as if “my sensibilities were offended”. I had to hold myself back. Actually, that’s a lie, I feel as if that should been my reaction. I had no reaction. If anything, I was confused. My track record this month is less than impressive. I’ve managed to alienate two people in my inner circle. And it appears as a third is pending.
This rant clearly needs context.
An acquaintance who is a good friend of two of my good friends is a pain. This sounds almost juvenile but my issues with her are fundamental. Her family owns a farm. She is actively involved in charitable efforts. She is outraged with the poverty on her family’s farm, the alcoholism, domestic abuse and the dismal standard of living. She doesn’t understand that her family has the power to make the difference. In her eyes, it is ‘their’ fault and they need to do something to change their circumstance. What she fails to see is that her family promotes the status quo. I take issue with that and I refuse to associate with her on that ground. I cut all possible ties. Then came the Facebook message asking what she had done to offend me. My response was short and to the point but vague; essentially I said that we have fundamental differences and I get to chose whom I associate with. (Side note: I didn’t have to go through this stupid shit in fucking high school.)
My thoughts: this situation is ridiculous. Facebook? Really? You have my number, call me.
A convoluted story made simple. A friend of mine and I were having a bit of a debate but the air was already tense because of earlier clashes. Then the argument hit the point where my friend said ‘you know that I’m the biggest hypocrite in the world and you shouldn’t believe anything I say’. Silence. I swear a physical knock out would have caused less damage to my sensibilities (yes, I just used that word). I am a person of my word. I expect the same of my friends. If I cannot believe anything you say then how can we be friends?
My thoughts: I can’t be friends with someone who claims to be a hypocrite and gets upset when they are called on it. In fact, that is ridiculous.
I spent a night at one of my friend’s parents place. I really enjoyed myself, drank too much wine, went to bed way too late and even smoked a cigarette with her mom. I thought I was great. The result: an extended comment on my face saying things and how belittled my friend felt. I, in no way, am undermining emotions. However, in this instance I will take the plunge and go with my line of thought on this and it is projection. Two points here: the first is that the fact that her mother repeatedly saying that I’m the daughter she never had, must have hurt. I know my friend well enough to know that this was a painful statement. I didn’t make the painful statement. The second point is that my friend claims to be a judgmental person. I wasn’t judging; it was her perception of her family and their situation and how she thought I saw it.
My initial thoughts: Nothing. Then this is ridiculous.
Now,another good friend’s words keep echoing in my head as I contemplated these situations. He explained why I get really drunk in certain situations and not others; it is about judging. I don’t like being judged and I don’t judge easily. I have expectations of how people should interact with me but I’m also aware of where people come from. I react to situations and actions that are in direct violation (if you will) of my fundamental beliefs and values. I don’t hold people’s views against them unless they support rape and child abuse (among a few others) then I let rip and it’s never pretty. It is none of my business what god you believe in, if you’re doing no one harm. And that would be the other thing about me; certain things are just none of my fucking business and if you’re not in my core group, you won’t be called on most beliefs you hold. I’ll debate and discuss issues with you but I rarely criticise.
I’m flawed. I’m finding my way through the world. From all these situations, I see that the ridiculous (and I do deem them as such) made me examine myself and I am not at fault. In fact, the ridiculous brought me to the sublime.
I was going to write a fiction piece for this week’s Indie Ink Writing Challenge because Supermaren‘s prompt ‘from the sublime to the ridiculous’ had much potential for comedy. Instead, I kept thinking how certain events this past month was rather ridiculous. This coupled with checking the exact meaning of ‘sublime’ led me to turn the prompt around. I challenged Liz Culver to write a piece about ‘I understand sex as being…’ and she killed it with Indie Ink #3. Until next week.